Previously published with Torquere Press, this short story is now available as a free read. Enjoy!
Blurb
Broken-hearted, self-esteem
shattered, and dragged on vacation by his parents, Ryan doesn’t think he could
be more miserable. All that changes when he meets Chris, the most gorgeous
surfer he’s ever seen. Shocked when Chris takes an interest in him, Ryan
decides that maybe a summer fling is just what he needs to get over his ex. But
Chris has a secret, and Ryan, still hurting from his failed relationship, isn’t
at all prepared to deal with it. Could Chris’ revelation ruin their chances of
a fling before things even get started? Or, is there a possibility of something
more?
Reviews
Just a Summer Fling
Ryan was miserable. He wiggled his toes in the sand and
stared out over the ocean wondering how exactly he had gotten here. Not here, physically. Though he desperately wished he was back
in Manhattan. Somehow it was so much easier to be miserable in New York. What
he wasn't sure of was how he had gotten to this place in his life. How, a month
after graduating high school, he found himself completely depressed and
brooding.
Even the thought of starting at NYU in the fall in the
creative writing program couldn't lift his spirits. Most eighteen-year-olds
were out partying, spending time with friends, and having the time of their
lives before the next chapter started. Ryan, on the other hand, had been guilt-tripped
into going to San Diego for two weeks with his parents. His father had needed
to be there for business and suggested that he rent a house so Ryan and his
mother could come along and turn it into a family vacation of sorts. His mother
had been all for it, thrilled at the idea of getting out of the city for a
while during the sticky summer heat. Ryan had wanted to stay behind and
continue to cultivate his misery in peace and quiet. His mother had put on her
sad face and had gone on and on about how it might be the last time they would
all be able to go on vacation together since he'd be starting college and going
off in the world. Mother's guilt always worked and he'd caved. So, here he was,
sitting on a stretch of private beach reserved for the homes along it in La
Jolla, currently the saddest person he knew.
Ryan's life had been seemingly great up until about a week
after graduation. That's when he learned what it felt like to have one's heart
ripped out, stomped on, and then subsequently put through a blender. Tony was
the reason he wasn't able to enjoy his summer. Tony was the reason he was
sitting on a beautiful beach glowering into the sand. Tony was the reason his
self-esteem was at an all-time low and he was pretty sure he would never trust
anyone ever again.
He closed the notebook he'd been scribbling in and stared at
the water. There were some children building a sand castle near the water's
edge. Some teenage girls in bikinis were splashing each other in shallow water.
He supposed if he were straight he would have been quite happy watching them
frolic about wearing next to nothing. A little farther out he saw several guys
with surfboards paddling toward the shore. They were definitely more his type.
One reached shallow water before the others and hopped off his board, tucked it
under his arm, and waded out of the water.
Ryan's jaw dropped. He was an Adonis. Ryan licked his lips
as the Greek god tossed his head from side to side, shaking drops of water from
his blond hair. Water ran in rivulets down his broad shoulders, smooth, tan
chest, and toned abs. The surfer was gorgeous.
Ryan continued to stare and brushed a few unruly strands of
his mop of brown hair out of his eyes. He supposed even a broken-hearted,
skinny, artsy-type like himself could at least look upon a god. Maybe it would
make him feel better.
He continued to track the surfer with his eyes as the Adonis
walked closer and dropped his board onto the sand and picked up a towel.
Riveted, Ryan watched as the blond swiped the towel over his arms and chest.
Then the surfer looked up.
Ryan's notebook fell from his lap as their eyes met. He'd
been caught in the act. He quickly looked away and fumbled in the sand for his
book. He could feel his cheeks burning. The god was most likely straight anyway
and there was a good possibility he wouldn't take too kindly to being ogled by
a depressed, gay boy desperate for some eye candy. Maybe he hadn't even noticed
Ryan had been staring. Ryan looked up just to make sure.
Oh, god. The Adonis was still looking at him, grinning, as
he toweled off his hair.
"Hey."
Ryan whipped his head around to look behind him in reflex,
then felt his cheeks burn yet again. There wasn't anyone there, of course. The
god was speaking to him. He bit his lip and slowly turned around.
"I meant you." The surfer was still grinning from
ear to ear.
He'd been caught red-handed. Why the beautiful surfer god
was speaking to him was beyond him. His breath stuck in his throat as the blond
moved closer until he was looming over Ryan.
"Hi. I'm Chris." A hand was extended.
Ryan had to squint as he looked up into the sun. Chris' face
was shadowed, but the sun caught the tips of his damp hair and made it sparkle
like gold. God indeed.
"Ryan," He breathed out and managed to take the
hand that had been offered.
Ryan was still in a state of shock as Chris plopped down
next to him.
"Nice to meet you, Ryan. I take it you're not from
here." Chris' smile was mesmerizing.
"Why do you say that?" He looked down at himself
wondering what had given him away.
Chris chuckled and glanced at him sideways. "Because no
self-respecting Californian would come to the beach dressed in jeans and
sneakers on a ninety-degree, sunny day."
"I... well, I mean..." He blushed again. Since he
didn't exactly have six-pack abs going for him, he wasn't one to walk around in
nothing but board shorts, but perhaps jeans and sneakers had been a little
excessive.
"Hey, no worries. I was just teasing." Chris
smirked and nudged him with his shoulder. "So, you here on vacation, then?"
"Yeah." Why are you talking to me?
Ryan couldn't get his brain working. He had yet to offer
anything but mumbles and monosyllabic answers to questions, yet the Adonis was
still sitting here next to him. Perhaps Hell had frozen over.
"So, who are you here with? Your parents?"
"Yeah." Wonderful. You are a scintillating
conversationalist.
"First time in San Diego? What do you think of it so
far?"
"It's nice. I mean, I'm not really that into beaches..."
He trailed off. And he's a surfer who probably grew up at the beach. This
should give you loads to talk about. Well done.
Ryan looked down at the sand and gnawed on his lip, wishing
his inner monologue had an off button.
"Beaches aren't your thing, huh?" Chris tilted his
head and instead of scoffing at him, actually looked interested. "So,
where're you from?"
"New York. Manhattan actually. I'm starting at NYU in
the fall." Good. We've mastered full sentences and even offered up
non-requested information. Progress.
"Wow. NYU?" Chris' eyebrows arched in what looked
like surprise.
"Yeah. I want to major in creative writing." Ryan
found himself smiling. Writing was what he was passionate about. People could
call him bookish if they wanted, but one day he was determined to write the
next great American novel.
"That's awesome. NYU definitely has an amazing creative
writing program. Actually--"
Someone called Chris' name and cut him off. Both Ryan and
Chris turned. One of the other surfers Chris had been with earlier stood a few
paces away.
"Jeremy and I are heading off. You coming?"
Ryan held his breath and waited for Chris to get up and
leave with his friend.
"Nah. I'm good. I'll catch you guys later."
"All right, man." Chris' friend gave a shrug
before turning and heading up the beach.
They were both silent for a moment until Ryan couldn't stand
it anymore. It would be too good to be true that Chris was gay and completely
unfathomable that he would be interested in Ryan.
"You sure you don't want to go with your friends?"
Perfect. Now he'll think you want him to leave.
Chris gave him a curious look and then stared at the sand,
for the first time since he'd sat down looking less than sure of himself. "You
want me to go?"
"No!" Ryan began to back-pedal. "I mean, you
could, though... if you wanted to. I mean, stay... if you want." He
finished lamely. Jeez, he needed to stop blushing.
"Okay." Chris' thousand-watt smile was back.
"Um, so, are you usually this friendly to strangers?"
"Not usually." Chris looked almost shy for a
second before flashing another smile.
Ryan wasn't at all sure what to make of that.
"So..." He forced himself to think of something
to say. "How long have you been surfing?"
Chris' face lit up and Ryan found his shoulders relaxing.
This was obviously a good topic.
"Almost since I was old enough to walk, actually."
Chris laughed. "I was born and raised here. My house is just a little ways
up the beach. So, I guess it's only natural." He shrugged his shoulders.
"It looks like it would be tough. Is it?" Ryan
racked his brain for anything he might have heard about surfing in an effort to
keep the conversation going. "I heard some beaches are better for it than
others. Is that true?"
Ryan took at deep sigh of relief as Chris leaned back on
his arms and began to talk about the ins and outs of surfing. As he watched
Chris' face light up like a child, he was pretty sure he would be quite content
just to sit here a stare at Chris as he talked. Ryan still didn't have a clue
why Chris was paying any attention to him, but he was going to try his
damnedest to be worthy of Chris' attentions.
Ryan didn't have a clue what he was talking about most of
the time, but as Chris flashed another one of his thousand watt smiles Ryan was
pretty sure he would be just fine with Chris going on and on about surfing all
day if he wanted to.
"So, what do ya say?" Chris pinned Ryan with his
baby blues. "You want a surfing lesson, city boy?"
Ryan swallowed hard. Holy shit. The surfer god actually
wanted to continue hanging out with him. With that smile and those eyes, not to
mention the most perfect chest he had ever seen, there was no way Ryan could
say 'no.' Even if the thought of trying to stand up on a board as a wave tried
to pummel him into the sand terrified him, he found himself nodding his head.
***
Ryan walked back to the rented beach house in a daze. He'd
agreed to meet Chris back at the beach in an hour. What had he gotten himself
into? He walked through the front door and made a beeline for his bedroom,
thrilled his parents weren't home. They would be at the country club all day
golfing.
His parents had known he was gay since his sophomore year
in high school. Most of the time, he thanked his lucky stars that he was born
to open-minded parents. He knew he could have had things so much worse. They
had always been supportive and very accepting of him. Sometimes his mom was a
bit too accepting, bordering on nosy. He
just couldn't deal with his mother's prying questions right now.
He did, however, need reinforcements. He threw himself on
his bed and reached for his phone. He prayed Shelly would be home, needing some
sound advice from his best friend.
"Hello?"
Ryan breathed a sigh of relief. Just hearing her voice was
calming. Unafraid to speak her mind, Shelly was direct, blunt, and would tell
you the truth even if it hurt. He loved that about her. She had been there for
him after Tony'd dumped him and was the only person who knew the whole story.
She would be able to help him with this.
"Hey, Shell. I'm so glad I caught you."
"Ry! How's San Diego? What's up?"
"Um, well, I need your help." He hoped, rather
than believed, that he sounded calm.
"Okay. Is everything alright? You sound a little
freaked." Nothing got by her.
"I'm fine. I sort of met someone--" He wasn't
allowed to finish before Shelly's squeals pierced his eardrum.
"It's a guy isn't it? You met a guy! Tell me
everything this instant!"
Sometimes Ryan swore she could read his mind. He smiled to
himself, took a breath, and relayed the morning's events.
"Yay! Ry, I'm so happy for you! This is exactly what you need to get over that asshole, Tony."
"Whoa! Back up, Shell! We haven't even established
whether he's gay or not! I mean, he didn't say he was, and I don't want to
assume."
"Jeez, Ry!" He could almost feel her rolling her
eyes as she huffed into the phone. "For a gay guy, you have, without a
doubt, the worst gaydar ever. You think
a straight guy would randomly introduce himself to another guy, ditch his
friends, and then offer to teach you how to surf?"
"Well--" He wasn't given time to finish.
"It's obvious he was totally hitting on you."
"How can you be so sure?" Ryan wanted to believe
her, but past experience had taught him otherwise.
"Okay." He heard Shelly take a deep breath. "Let's
think about this logically if you don't want to believe me. What exactly do you
have to lose? You're only there for two weeks. If he turns out to be straight,
which I highly doubt, who cares? If he's
gay and things go badly, who cares? This is the perfect opportunity to just
take a chance and see what happens. Just have fun. Have a fling for fuck's
sake! Seriously, what's the worst that could happen? It's not like you'd ever
see him again."
She had a point. If he was ever just going to throw
caution to the wind and go with the flow, this was the perfect opportunity.
"I suppose you're right..."
"Of course I am." Shelly sounded far too
triumphant.
"I guess I just don't understand how someone like him
could potentially be interested in me."
There was a pause. When Shelly spoke again her voice was
softer.
"You know I want to rip Tony's balls off for what he
did to you, right?"
"I know." Ryan found there was a lump forming in
his throat.
"Ry, I know it's hard for you to believe me, but you
are an absolutely amazing guy. You are so smart and good-looking, even if you
don't believe it yourself. But, most of all, you are so passionate. Tony was
such a dick he couldn't realize what he had. He used you. None of it was your
fault. You just gave your heart to the wrong guy. I don't care how hot this
surfer guy is. He's the lucky one. Just try to remember that."
Ryan felt his eyes smart. "Thanks, Shell."
"Anytime, babe. Anytime."
Ryan exhaled. "I better go. I'm meeting Chris soon
and I need to change."
"Okay. Good luck and call me later!"
"I will. Love ya, Shell."
"Love you, too. Now, go get him, tiger."
Ryan chuckled as he hung up the phone. He'd known calling
Shelly would be the right thing to do. This would be the perfect opportunity to
just have some fun and maybe regain some of the self-confidence he'd lost.
There wasn't any risk with Chris. He could just have fun without any chance of
getting hurt. Maybe a summer fling was just what he needed.
***
An hour later, Ryan found himself back on the beach in
swim-trunks and a T-shirt. As he stared out at the waves cresting toward the
shore, Ryan wondered if staring at a beautiful, blond surfer who had for some
reason taken an interest in him was worth the risk of drowning.
As Chris stood his board up in the sand, his back muscles
rippled. His chest gleamed in the sunlight and small pieces of sand stuck to
his abdomen glinted and sparkled when the sun hit them just so.
Oh, yes. It was so worth drowning for this. This was
perhaps the best break-up therapy in the history of the universe.
"Okay. I think we're ready." Chris flashed him
an excited smile.
Ryan panicked for a moment as a particularly huge wave
crashed against the shore. "We aren't just going to go out there, are we?
I mean, you're going to give me some pointers first, right?"
Chris laughed and grasped his shoulder. "Hey, don't
worry! I'm not planning on just tossing you out there. We're going to learn the
basics on dry land first. C'mon."
Ryan shuddered at the warm, firm hand on his shoulder.
Starting on land was good. As he followed Chris down the shore, he couldn't
help wondering if his lesson would involve more touching.
Chris found an empty area of the beach, and they laid
their boards out on the sand.
Ryan eyed the two boards lying side by side. "Why is
my board so much bigger?"
"Mine's a short board. It's more maneuverable -- easier
to make turns. But a long board is much better for beginners 'cause it's easier
to balance on. Think of it as a bike with training wheels."
"Great." Ryan rolled his eyes but couldn't help
smiling.
"Everyone learns on a long board first. Some people
even stick with long boards. No worries." Chris winked and Ryan felt a
thrill go through him. "Now, we're going to learn how to stand up on the
board..."
A few minutes later, Ryan found himself lying on his board
with his feet touching the end and his hands gripping the side of the board,
also, he was told, known as the rails.
"Good. Now, make sure your hands are parallel with
your shoulders and pretend you're about to do a push-up."
"Like this?" Ryan looked up and wobbled a bit
when he found Chris squatting in front of him.
"Just make sure your elbows are cocked back."
Chris reached for his upper arms and angled them back. "There. Perfect."
Their eyes locked and Ryan's heart sped up. Their faces were so close.
"Okay, now..." Chris cleared his throat and Ryan
thought he detected a hint of blush. "From there, you need to stand up.
Why don't you watch me a few times?"
Chris moved over to his own board. "A stand-up is easier
than a pop-up, so that's what we'll learn first. Get in your push-up position
like we just practiced..."
Ryan forced himself to concentrate on Chris' words instead
of how great his arms looked when he pushed up from the board.
"When you've pushed up from the board, pull one leg
forward until it's about at hip level. Then pull the other leg all the way
through to stand up."
Chris pushed up, pulled his legs under him, swiveled his
hips, and stood up in one fluid motion. He made it look so easy.
The first time Ryan tried, he ended up toppling over and
landing in the sand. Very smooth.
Chris laughed good-naturedly. "Don't worry about it.
It takes practice. Try again."
After twenty minutes of pointers, encouragement, and Chris
touching him every so often to spread his legs out or angle his hips, Ryan was
able to comfortably stand up on his board all by himself.
"That's great, Ryan!" Chris clapped his hands as
Ryan once again successfully made it to an upright position on his board. "I
think you're about ready to try it out on the water."
Ryan almost wished he hadn't mastered it yet so Chris
would have to keep arranging his body into the correct position. He knew the
contact was innocent and necessary for learning, but he relished it and didn't
want it to end.
They spent a few more minutes going over paddling and then
Chris deemed him ready for the water.
"You'll probably want to take your T-shirt off."
Chris' mouth quirked.
Ryan looked down at himself. Right. Time to take off my
shirt. Lovely. He took a breath to steel
himself and then quickly pulled it over his head and tossed it next to his
towel. He looked everywhere but at Chris.
He knew how ridiculous he was being. Sure, he was skinny
and pale with zero muscle definition, but things could be a lot worse. He knew
it was because of Tony that he was so self-conscious. Ryan would never forget
what Tony had said when the jerk broke-up with him. "It's not like I
thought you were hot or anything. I just liked the idea of breaking you in." Ryan shivered despite the heat.
"You'll probably want to put on some sunscreen."
Chris' voice brought him back and a bottle of SPF 30 was held out.
"Oh, yeah, good idea." Ryan focused all his
energies slathering on sun block. He was so white, he would've been a lobster
by the end of the day if Chris hadn't reminded him to put it on.
"Lemme get your back." Ryan froze and was only
vaguely aware of Chris taking the bottle from his hands.
As Chris moved behind him Ryan forced himself to take even
breaths. His eyes closed as Chris' hands methodically rubbed the lotion into
his back. It felt more like a massage and his shoulders relaxed under the
ministrations. It felt really good. Too
good. When Chris' hands moved to his lower back and sides Ryan could feel his arousal
begin to grow. No, no, no. Do not
get hard.
"All done."
Ryan was both sad and relieved when Chris had finished,
but too much more and it would have been horribly obvious how Chris affected
him.
Ryan swallowed. "Thanks."
"You're welcome."
They stared at each other for a heated moment before Chris
cleared his throat and reached for his board. "You ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be."
Chris chuckled. "Just remember, make sure you're
balanced on your board and paddle straight out through the surf. I'll be right
there with ya. You're gonna do great." He gave Ryan a sincere smile.
They both paused to attach their leashes around their
ankles before wading out into the water. When the water was waist high, Chris
effortlessly hopped onto his board, and began to paddle out. Ryan scrambled up
onto his in a far less graceful fashion and began to awkwardly paddle after
Chris. He smiled to himself when he noticed Chris turning his head ever few
strokes to make sure Ryan wasn't far behind.
***
The two of them sat straddling their boards, waiting for
the next wave to roll in. On the first wave, Ryan had barely begun to get his
legs pulled under him before he toppled off beneath the water. On his second
try, he made it to a half-standing position before he fell off. It was a little
scary at first to be pulled under the water, but each time, Chris immediately
cut his own ride short and turned around to make sure he was okay. It made Ryan
feel a little gooey inside.
"You're really doing great. You made it halfway up
last time and it was only your second try! We might make a surfer out of you
yet." Chris grinned.
"Thanks." Ryan's face heated at the praise.
"Y'know, as much as I love the actual surfing part of
it, I have to admit one of my favorite parts is just sitting out here waiting
for the waves. It's really nice to just be out here on the water. It's
peaceful."
Ryan watched as Chris tilted his face up toward the sky
and closed his eyes, his fingers trailing through the water. He looked so
content. Ryan wished he could achieve that sort of inner calm.
"Can I ask you something?" Chris lowered his
head and turned to look at him.
"Um, sure."
"This morning when I came over to talk to you. You
looked so sad. Why?"
Ryan opened his mouth and shut it again. He ducked his
head and suddenly became fascinated by the sunburst pattern painted on his
board. He hadn't expected Chris to ask him that. He thought briefly about pretending he had no idea what Chris was
talking about. He felt the soothing rock of the waves and stole a glance at the
open, seemingly honest person, sitting next to him, asking for information.
Maybe he could just tell the truth.
"My... my boyfriend dumped me a few weeks ago." Well,
there we go. Now he knows you're gay.
"Wow, I'm sorry. That sucks." Chris looked
genuinely concerned. "I kind of know what you're going through, though. My
boyfriend and I broke up a few months back."
Shelly was right after all. Ryan tried not to look stunned. "I'm sorry."
"No worries." Chris' smile was back. "I
figured I'm actually better off without him. It always hurts, though."
"Yeah." Ryan had to agree. "I'm definitely
better off without Tony, but at the time it wasn't easy. In some ways, it still
isn't." Something about the roll of the waves and Chris' calming demeanor
caused him to relax and his jaw to become unhinged. He found himself chuckling
softly. "My best friend, Shelly, told me I should just have a summer fling
to get over him." Ryan regretted it as soon as the words were out of his
mouth.
"A fling, huh?"
"I--I
mean... shit." Ryan grappled for words. They had barely established that
they were both gay and he had gone and practically insinuated that he and Chris
should hook-up. Ryan felt like toppling off his board and drowning. "It's
just what she said." He continued his verbal vomit. "Y'know, no
pressure, never have to see him again. But..." He laughed nervously,
blushing profusely. "It's probably a stupid idea."
He swallowed hard and dared to glance in Chris' direction.
Chris wore an odd expression and ducked his head.
"I suppose I can see where she's coming from. You're
on vacation. It would maybe be a chance to put your ex behind you?" His
smile didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Yeah, I guess... something like that."
Ryan prayed for a large wave to roll in to wash away the
awkwardness he now felt. If he was too busy trying to surf, his big mouth
couldn't cause any more problems. Just because Chris is gay doesn't mean he
would have any interest in you. Idiot.
"So." Chris broke the silence. "Why
writing? How did you get into it?"
Ryan took a deep breath and relaxed, thrilled about the
change in topic. Writing was definitely something he could talk about.
"It wasn't like there was one exact moment when it
just hit me that I wanted to be a writer. I mean, I always did well in English
classes at school, and I love to read. Even when I was little I preferred to
pick up a book rather than watch TV." He chuckled at his own nerdiness. "I
always admired the people who wrote the books that I read. I guess I just
decided I wanted to be able to do that, too, create characters and stories that
people could just lose themselves in."
When Ryan glanced up, Chris was just staring at him.
"What?"
"You're really passionate, aren't you?"
"I..." Ryan blushed at the compliment and at the
way Chris continued to hold his gaze. "Yeah, I guess I am."
"I like that."
Chris' smile was slow to bloom this time, but caused Ryan's
insides to flutter in a way he wasn't used to.
"Well, what about you?" Always uncomfortable
when too much attention or praise was placed on him, Ryan diverted the
conversation back to Chris. He was also just intensely curious about the
gorgeous surfer and had a hunch there might be more to him than just a great
tan and excellent balance. "There have to be things you're passionate
about, too."
"Yeah. I suppose there are. Surfing is a given, but I
suppose you figured out that one on your own."
Ryan had to laugh. "My excellent powers of deduction
did pick up on that one."
Chris' laugh had a wonderful warm, rich quality to it.
Ryan wanted to hear it again and again.
"And, besides surfing, I'm a history buff."
Well, that was unexpected. He had been right. Chris was
just full of surprises.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I declared history as my major at the end the
school year. I dunno..." Chris kicked his legs in the water. "I guess
I just always thought to really understand what we're doing and where we're
going we have to understand where we've been." Chris gave a shrug.
"Wow." Chris' Zen-like intelligence and
understanding threw Ryan for a loop.
"I know. Dorky, right? Most people think history is
boring, but I love it."
"No!" Ryan was quick to dispel the notion. "Not
at all! It was just unexpected. Actually, historical fiction is one of my favorite
genres."
"Yeah?" Chris perked up.
"Definitely! Tell you what, for my first novel I'll
write a historical one, and you can help me with my research."
Ryan's grin was in full swing. It wasn't often he found
someone with the same level of passion as himself. Shelly told him he was
borderline obsessed. Chris seemed to get it, though, and on top of that, their
passions seemed to fit together quite nicely.
"Got yourself a deal."
Chris' gaze was so happy and honest looking that for one
brief, crazy second Ryan imagined that one day their passions could collide in
some way. He had to look away. Staring at Chris was making his stomach feel
funny and his heart was beating at an alarming rate. He took a deep breath and
got himself under control.
"Wait a minute. I can't believe I never asked before..."
He couldn't imagine how it had never come up and was embarrassed he had yet to
ask. "Where do you go to school? You never said."
"Oh... um..."
Ryan's forehead creased as he tried to make out the almost
guilty look on Chris' face.
"Look! Another great wave is rolling in! C'mon!"
Ryan didn't have time to ruminate on the expression that
had bordered on relief as Chris pointed over his shoulder at the wave. He got
himself arranged on his board just in time to start paddling forward after
Chris.
***
Ryan was exhausted, a good exhausted, when they finally
paddled to shore. He flopped down onto the sand and reached for his towel.
"Wow. This was so much fun. Thanks so much for taking
me out this afternoon."
"You're more than welcome. And you did great out
there." Chris sat beside him and handed Ryan a water bottle from the
cooler he had brought along.
"Thanks."
Ryan accepted the water and the compliment gratefully and
took several large swallows. He had to admit, he was pretty pleased with
himself as well. He wasn't exactly known for his athletic abilities, and
usually shied away from activities that required large amounts of exertion or
physical skill. But he had actually managed to stand up several times and on
the last ride he'd been able to make it almost all the way back into shore
before falling off. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun.
Their conversation between waves hadn't ever steered back to school, but it had
been light and easy banter. Ryan had enjoyed that. He wasn't used to feeling so
at ease around someone so quickly.
"So, do you have any plans for tonight?"
Chris' voice called him back to the present and made him
almost choke on his water.
"Um, no. Not really." He coughed.
"Would you like to come over tonight?"
"Really?"
Ryan hoped his voice didn't sound as shrill and desperate
as he thought it did. It was clear that Chris liked him and had enjoyed the
afternoon, but wanting to continue to spend time with him, in the evening, at Chris'
house, spoke of other things entirely. Ryan hoped he wasn't completely
misreading the situation.
"Of course I'm serious." Chris grinned. "I
had a really good time today."
That smile was going to cause Ryan to go blind.
"Yeah. I'd love to come over."
"Great."
After getting Chris' address and agreeing to meet at seven
P.M., Ryan floated back to the rented beach house like a love-struck,
thirteen-year-old girl.
***
Ryan's palms were sweating as he approached the
white-shingled house with blue shutters. He paused to take a deep breath and
smoothed down the black V-neck T-shirt he wore over khaki shorts. The front
porch lights were on giving the house a warm, cozy glow. Chris was out on the
porch bending over the grill, his ass in perfect view. Ryan's flip-flop caught
in the sand and he almost tripped. He managed to steady himself and made it
several steps closer to the house before Chris turned and noticed him.
"Hey! You made it!"
Ryan couldn't help but return the exuberant look on Chris'
face. "Yup. Here I am." He made his way up the front steps and onto
the spacious porch. "Nice house. And something smells really good."
"Thanks, and that would be the burgers grilling."
Chris narrowed his eyes. "You aren't a vegetarian are you? I'm pretty sure
we have some veggie burgers if you are," he quickly added.
Ryan laughed. "No. Definitely a carnivore."
"Excellent." They shared a grin.
"Thanks so much for having me over and grilling."
Ryan tried to sound casual but his hands fidgeting in his pockets probably gave
him away. It was still rather surreal to him that this was happening.
"Don't mention it. I'm really glad you could come."
The sincerity of Chris' look made Ryan's heart speed up.
"You want a beer?" Chris had a mischievous glint
in his eye. "I realize we're both underage by a few years but my parents
always have quite a good supply of booze, they're currently out of town, and
since neither of us will be operating any heavy machinery later, I figure it
couldn't hurt."
Ryan smirked back. "Well, I was planning on driving a
large tractor-trailer later on tonight, but, yeah, a beer would be great."
"You're funny." Chris nodded toward the porch
swing. "Have a seat. I'll be right back."
Ryan plopped down with a contented sigh. He hadn't drunk a
lot in high school, but he wasn't a stranger to alcohol. A beer might be just
the thing he needed to loosen up a bit.
***
The burgers had been delicious, the evening ocean breeze
perfect, and beer number three was going down very easily. Ryan felt better
than he had in a long time.
"Wait a minute. You mean to tell me that the royal
Habsburg family of Austria was so inbred that they were actually all
disfigured?!" Ryan almost choked on his beer.
"I'm serious!" Chris was laughing, too. "It's
completely true. It's actually a genetic disorder called mandibular prognathism. The Habsburgs
were so incestuous that most of the family had it."
"Wow. That's just crazy. You're just a fount of
historical information aren't you?" He grinned at Chris.
"A fount, huh? You must be a writer." Chris' grin was cheeky and playful. "No one
uses words like that." His smile softened. "I like it."
Ryan swallowed and blushed. He and Chris had started off the
evening on opposite ends of the porch swing. Over the course of the last few
hours, the distance between them seemed to have all but disappeared. Chris'
right leg almost brushed his and his arm was thrown over the back of the swing,
mere inches from wrapping around Ryan's shoulders.
Ryan took a deep breath. He wasn't used to the
butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling that seemed permanent whenever he was around
Chris. He took another swig of beer and steeled his courage of ask the question
he had wondered about all day.
"So, why did you come over and talk to me this morning?"
He picked at the label on his beer bottle before looking up at Chris.
Chris ducked his head for a few seconds before looking back
up. "I guess when I see what I want I just have a tendency to go after it."
Ryan just stared at Chris with his mouth agape.
"Why do you seem so surprised? I like you... a lot."
Ryan sat in stunned silence. All evidence had pointed
toward it, but hearing it out loud was something he was unprepared for.
"Yeah, right." Ryan looked away. The only other
person that had shown interest had lied to him about everything. It was so hard
to believe what Chris was telling him.
There were a few minutes of excruciating silence. Ryan's
eyes bored holes into the deck. Chris' voice was soft when it reached his ears.
"God, what did your ex do to you?"
Embarrassed beyond reason when he actually felt his eyes
tearing up, Ryan struggled to find something to say.
"W...what do you mean? He broke up with me." He
shrugged his shoulders. "No big deal."
Ryan felt Chris' hand tentatively find his shoulder and
squeeze gently.
"No, it's more than that. It's like you can't figure
out why anyone would like you."
Ryan ground his jaw, preparing a refute.
"He just... I... it was... he used me, okay! He was
the first, he was my first. I thought he liked me. I thought I loved him, but he
just wanted to... go where no guy had gone before."
Ryan sat in shock, completely stunned that the ugly truth
had poured from his mouth.
He gnawed on his lip, refusing to meet Chris' eyes. "We
worked in the same bookstore. Tony was a few years older. I thought I was so
cool for dating an older guy." He gave off a snort. "It turned out he
was dating about three of us at once and apparently had a thing for
barely-legal virgins." Ryan's eyes were smarting and his cheeks burned,
but he couldn't get himself to shut-up. "So, a week after graduation, I
not only discovered he had been cheating on me the entire time we had been
together, but I found out that the guy I thought I was in love with had just
wanted me as some sort of play thing until he got tired of me."
Ryan wanted to run and hide. Shelly had been right, it did
provide some relief knowing he would never have to see Chris again. He didn't know
how he would live down the shame otherwise.
"I better go." He couldn't bring himself to see
what expression Chris' face held. He set his beer down and stood up quickly,
preparing to bolt from the porch.
"Wait a minute!"
Chris' hand closed over his and pulled him back down onto
the swing.
"I'm so sorry, Ryan. Fuck. I've never met him, but I
pretty much want to kill this guy." Chris squeezed Ryan's hand. "No
one deserves to be treated that way, especially someone who is as wonderful,
and smart, and gorgeous as you."
That made Ryan's head whip around. He scanned Chris' face
for any sign of mocking, but all he found was earnest honesty. Chris' hand came
up to gently cup the side of his face.
"I wanted you from the first moment I saw you sitting
on the beach this morning and after spending the day getting to know you, I
only want you more."
Ryan's eyes went wide, and he instinctively licked his
lips, trying to think of what to say. Chris' thumb brushed across his cheek and
his blue eyes pierced right through him.
"C...can I kiss you?" Chris' voice was barely
above a whisper.
Words had completely left Ryan. With his pulse racing and
mind still reeling, he nodded his head.
Chris' face moved closer and Ryan's eyes fluttered shut.
In the distance, a wave crashed upon the shore. Then Ryan felt soft, smooth
lips press against his own. It was tentative, and a little bit shy, but it
created a blooming warmth in Ryan's middle he was completely unprepared for.
Their faces parted and their breath mingled. Ryan could
smell salt and sunshine radiating off Chris' skin. Ryan leaned forward and
their lips connected again. He didn't want to think or analyze. He needed to be
wanted and desired, even if it was only for the rest of the evening.
Chris' tongue carefully traced his bottom lip, and Ryan
opened up to what Chris was offering. Everything became far more consuming and
desperate at the first caress of tongues. Ryan moaned and leaned back, pulling
Chris with him. He relished Chris' weight against his chest. He grasped harder
at Chris' shoulders and finally ran his hands through soft, golden strands of
hair. Chris' hands stroked his face and neck and ran down over his chest and
sides. Their tongues tangled and massaged and teeth nipped at swollen lips. The
arm of the swing dug into Ryan's back, but he didn't care. The wood against his
back just reminded him that he was pinned under Chris' weight.
Ryan hadn't realized how wonderful just kissing could be.
Tony hadn't been much of a kisser and when they had, it had been hard and rough
and just a prelude to sex. It had never caused the heated sensation he felt now
coursing through his entire body. Kissing Tony had never felt so good that he
never wanted to come up for air.
Chris' mouth suddenly parted from his and the weight
lifted from Ryan's chest. Ryan opened his eyes and blinked rapidly.
"Is... is everything okay?" He was short on
breath and the sudden loss of Chris' lips was jarring.
"No. I mean yeah, everything's fine. Um," Chris
licked his lips.
Still gripping Chris' shoulders, Ryan scanned his face.
The expression he found made something it his gut tighten.
"What is it? Is it me? Did I do something wrong?"
"No! No, you didn't do anything wrong. I just. I don't
know if I can do this..." Chris trailed off and lowered his head.
"Oh." Ryan swallowed down the humiliation and
began to fold in on himself. Of course Chris didn't want him. How could he have
been so stupid?
He struggled to sit upright, pushing Chris away in the
process. He had to get away. He stood quickly, blood rushing to his head,
making him dizzy, and stumbled towards the porch stairs.
"Wait!"
It was the second time that night Chris grabbed his hand
and asked him not to go. He sidestepped and found himself trapped between one
of the beams supporting the porch and Chris.
"I get it, okay. It was a mistake. It's fine."
Ryan looked anywhere but at Chris' face.
"That's not it at all! But I don't think I can do
this if all you want is a fling."
Ryan's head jerked up, his eyes wide, as he stared at
Chris' almost pained expression.
"You said earlier that all you were looking for was a
summer fling. But I'm not sure I can do that."
"Huh?"
Chris ran his hands through his hair looking completely
disconcerted. Chris had seemed so Zen all day long, it threw Ryan for a loop.
"I haven't been completely honest with you."
Ryan's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"
"I meant to tell you earlier, but somehow I never got
around to it and then all that talk about how you only wanted a fling sort of
threw me off, and then I was too scared to tell you."
"What are you talking about?"
"At first, I was willing to go along with it because
I liked you so much. I thought, hey, a fling would be better than nothing. But
when we started kissing, I knew that it wasn't going to work, that I couldn't
go through with it if I was just going to be some one-night-stand to get over
your ex."
"Still not following you."
"Ryan..." The pause seemed endless. "This
fall I'm going to be a sophomore at NYU."
The air whooshed out of Ryan's lungs. As the words sunk in,
a wave of emotions crashed over him.
"What? You lied to me!" He was yelling. Of all
the emotions Ryan was feeling, anger won out. "Why didn't you say
something earlier?"
Ryan shoved Chris out of his way, bolted from the porch,
and ran down onto the beach. He knew he was being irrational, but nothing had
prepared him for that. He had been prepared for a casual encounter. He had been
prepared for spending the day with someone he would never see again. What he
hadn't been prepared for was for how kissing Chris had made him feel. Knowing
Chris could potentially cross his path for the next few years was just too
scary. He wasn't ready. His heart and his self-confidence weren't healed enough
to be put on the line once again. Suddenly, San Diego and Chris just wouldn't
fit inside the summer fling box he had drawn for himself. Everything was
spilling over and he couldn't handle it.
"Ryan! Wait! Please!"
Ryan sped up. He willed his feet to move through the sand
faster. The toe of his flip-flop caught on a rock and he tumbled forward,
falling to his knees.
"Hey, you okay?" Chris' hand caught his arm and
helped to haul him up. Ryan's eyes had filled with tears, and he looked up with
blurred vision. The sight of Chris' face, concerned and caring, did him in. His
knees buckled once again and this time he remained sitting in the sand, knees
drawn up to his chest and arms wrapped around them.
"I don't get it." Ryan didn't turn his head, but
he saw the shadow of Chris' body sit down beside him. "Why didn't you tell
me? I feel like such an idiot." Suddenly feeling exhausted and completely
defeated, he lowered his head to rest on his arms. He didn't have the energy to
try to run away from Chris a second time.
"I wish I had good answer. But if you'll give me a
minute, I'll try to explain."
Chris paused, seeming to need an answer before continuing.
Ryan didn't lift his head, but gave a brief nod against his arms, acquiescing
to the request.
"I almost told you this morning as soon as you told
me you were going to be starting there. It was literally on the tip of my
tongue. But then Brad came over asking if I wanted to leave with him and
Jeremy, and I got thrown off track. We started talking about surfing and, well,
I guess you know by now how I get when I start talking about surfing... I can't
really shut up." There was a soft chuckle from Chris' direction. "After
you agreed to go surfing with me, I was so excited at the thought of being able
to teach you about something I love and to spend time with you, it was
literally all I could think about. School was the last thing on my mind."
Ryan slowly raised his head. "Go on."
"Then... well, then you told me about your ex and how
your friend had told you to have a fling."
Ryan swallowed and cringed.
"So, by the time we got around to talking about
school again, and you asked me directly where I went, I kind of lost my nerve."
Chris turned his head and purposefully made eye contact. "I
guess all that talk about a fling kind of made me scared to tell you that I
might be someone who you would see in the future. I thought that if you knew I
went to NYU you might not want to hang out with me. It kinda seemed like you
were looking for something with no strings attached."
Ryan dropped his gaze and stared at the sand, suddenly
feeling terrible, but he still wasn't sure about Chris' intentions. After Tony,
he hated being lied to.
"I get that after what Tony did to you, dishonesty
probably ranks pretty high on your 'what-not-to-do-list.' God, I'm such an
idiot!" Chris ran his hands through his hair. "But I only did it
because I liked you so much. It was completely selfish. I just wanted to spend
as much time with you as possible. That's it. I truly am sorry. I should have
told you from the beginning."
Ryan's shoulders sagged as he tried to process what Chris
was telling him. "I don't get it. Why me?"
"You have no idea, do you?" Chris' voice was
wistful and gentle. Ryan wished he could see his face more clearly, but the
darkness prevented it.
"About what?"
"How amazing you are."
Ryan froze.
"I think I have at least some sense of how badly you
were hurt by your ex, and I get that maybe you're a little scared. But, Ryan..."
Chris blew out a gust of air. "I've only spent a day with you and I
already know you're one of the most intelligent and passionate people I've ever
come across, not to mention absolutely beautiful."
"A...are
you serious?"
"Yeah. I am. You're funny. And fun to be with. I feel
like I can be the surfer and the history geek with you and it's okay. I like
who I am with you."
"I." Ryan didn't even know where to begin. To
say he was stunned would be putting it mildly. He was having such a hard time
trying to rationalize the person Tony had seen in him and the person Chris had
described. "Why did you stop kissing me, then?" Ryan forced himself
to turn so he could be face to face with Chris.
"I kind of tried to fool myself into thinking that I
was okay with just a hook-up, but I knew the second I kissed you that I wasn't,
that I wanted more. I knew I had to be honest with you."
"What do you want, then?" Ryan forced the words
out.
Chris took a deep breath and tentatively reached for Ryan's
hand. Ryan didn't protest.
"I want to know that when we both show up on campus
in about seven weeks that there will still be something between us."
Even through the dusk, Ryan could make out the anxious yet
utterly hopeful look on Chris' face. He couldn't believe it. He'd been dragged
to San Diego against his will, completely disheartened at the prospect of love
and dating, and now the Adonis he had seen on the beach that very morning was
asking him for what sounded like a relationship. He wasn't sure he was ready. What
he did know was that, in one day, Chris had made him feel so much better about
himself than Tony ever had.
"You're serious, aren't you?" He searched Chris'
face.
"Yeah. I am."
Ryan took a long, thoughtful breath. "Y'know, with
Tony, I thought I loved him, but, really, it was more that I loved the idea of
having a first boyfriend. I don't want him back."
Ryan needed Chris to know that. He liked Chris -- a lot.
It was undeniable. Maybe he owed it to himself to give this a chance.
Ryan's fingers gripped Chris' hand more tightly. "If
I say yes, will you do something for me?"
"Anything."
Ryan couldn't believe his boldness. "Will you kiss me
again?"
Chris' smile lit up the night. He leaned forward and
tucked a lock of Ryan's waywardly wavy hair behind his ear. Ryan's breath
caught in his throat as warm hands closed around his face and lips that formed
the most beautiful smiles pressed against his own. This kiss didn't have the
desperate feeling their first encounter had. This was so much better because
this time tongues caressed in a silent promise of more yet to come.
Chris sucked gently on his bottom lip and then pulled away
after one more touch of lips. "Stay a little while longer? Watch the stars
with me?"
Ryan smiled and nodded. Their fingers laced together as
they lay back onto the warm sand, shoulder to shoulder. Stars twinkled in the
midnight blue of the sky as waves rhythmically crashed against the beach. It
truly was a beautiful night.
"So, I'm here for about another week and a half, but
what happens after that?" Ryan found he asked not out of dubious disbelief
but from a distinct, eager desire to plan ahead. The future no longer seemed so
depressing.
Chris squeezed his fingers. "Well, as you said, we
still have a bit more time together, and then after that, I'm pretty sure email
and phones go both ways from here to New York until classes start up again."
Ryan laughed. "Sounds like a plan."
"Hey, Ryan?"
"Yeah?" He turned his head.
"Will you go surfing with me again tomorrow?"
A huge grin erupted on Ryan's face to match Chris'. "Definitely."
© 2010 Lily Grace
